Tips for Coping - Students

TIPS FOR COPING - STUDENTS

Tips for Dealing with Loss

If you are reading this because you are trying to cope with a loved one’s death, let us first say that we are so very sorry for your loss. Here are some tips for learning how to deal with your grief.

Don’t be too proud to ask for help.

Now is the time to let others know that you need help. Chances are, many people are simply unsure of how to help you. Tell them what you need.

Don’t withdraw from the world.

Keep in touch with other people – friends, family, spiritual leaders. Use them for support, comfort, and healing. Find a support group in the area; there can be a lot of strength in knowing that others have experienced a loss as well.

Find at least one person who gives you the permission to grieve and lean on them.

Surround yourself with people who will listen when you need to talk and those who simply offer a shoulder if you’d rather be silent.

Tips for Dealing with Loss

Grief is as unique as the person who experiences it.

Your grief will be different than anyone else’s, so don’t compare your grieving process to someone else’s. We all grieve differently.

It’s okay to grieve.

Grieving the loss of someone means that you cared about or even loved this person. You will struggle with the “why” of a death until you’ve gotten your answer, an answer that makes sense to you, or you no longer need to know why.

It’s also okay to heal.

Don’t let your healing process be overshadowed by guilt for “not grieving enough.” Allow yourself to be happy.

You may experience physical symptoms.

Insomnia, headaches, and exhaustion are sometimes brought about by your emotions. Talk to your doctor about these symptoms and see what can be alleviated.

Cry if you want to cry.

Don’t be afraid to let it out. And if you don’t or can’t cry? That’s okay too. Everyone grieves differently.

You might feel crazy as you run the gamut of feelings.

Anger, guilt, confusion, and forgetfulness are all very common reactions. You’re not going nuts…you’re grieving a very difficult loss. And it’s okay to be overwhelmed by your feelings. Depression is very common. If you find it to be prolonged or particularly hard to deal with, or find you can no longer manage on your own, seek professional help. Trained grief experts are available to help you learn to cope.

Let the anger out.

There can be anger surrounding a death and it has to go somewhere. Chop wood. Scream. Listen to music. Run. Dance.

Remember that you can postpone grief, but you can’t outrun it.

If you’re living with unresolved grief, it becomes harder and harder to cope with other every day stresses. Let your grief out. Although it may be tempting, don’t throw yourself into work or other projects as a means to avoid your grief. You must deal with your grief.

Prepare yourself for anniversary reactions.

Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and other significant dates will be very painful reminders for you and can amplify your sense of loss. On those special days, don’t force yourself to do or be anything. Allow yourself to do whatever it is you feel like doing.

Commemorate your loved one in a tangible way.

Plant a tree. Dedicate a bench. Plant a garden. Create a scrapbook of memories. Put together a shadow box for the wall. These are things that can help you to feel connected to your loved one.

Write it out.

Writing is one of the most effective forms of therapy. Keep a private journal and make writing in it a priority.

Don’t abuse alcohol or prescription drugs as a means to cope.

Alcohol and drugs are a temporary fix. In the end, they will only hurt you.

Don’t concentrate all your energy on comforting others.

Although it is important to be there for others that are reeling from the loss, it can also be a way of avoiding your own grief.

The death is not your fault.

You might feel that you could’ve done something more to prevent it, but that’s not the case. You cannot assume responsibility for the actions of another, period. Guilt is not helpful. Talk about your feelings of guilt with someone you love and trust.

Try setting up a picture of your lost loved one and talk to it.

It may help to articulate all of the things you’d wished you could say to the person.

Remember that there will be setbacks.

Some days, months, and years will be better and worse than others. That’s okay. Grief and grieving doesn’t follow a straight line. Take your grief one day, one second, one moment at a time.

Tips for Helping a Friend Deal with Loss

When a loved one loses someone from suicide, you want so badly to help, but it can often be hard to know what to do. Here are some tips for comforting a suicide survivor.

How to Help A Friend Heal

Make a special effort to go to the funeral home.

They need all the support they can get. If you cannot attend the funeral, make an effort to send flowers, a note, a text, an email…ANYTHING to let them know you’re thinking of them.

Listen to them.

Being physically present and willing to listen without judgment is critical for your friend. Helping your friend means that you must break down the silence surrounding the death, and that begins with being an active listener. Even if they want to share the same story again and again, listen attentively each time. This repetition is part of their healing process.

Don’t be afraid to show emotion.

Cry openly if you were close to the person who died. Often, your tears will help your friend see that they are not alone in their grief.

Let them be free with their emotions, too.

Don’t be surprised or alarmed by the range and intensity of their feelings—grief and intense emotions can sneak up on people when least expected, and be quite overwhelming. Give your loved one permission to express his or her feelings about the death without fearing criticism. Let them cry; tears are a natural and appropriate reaction to the pain associated with a death—don’t be afraid of the tears. Remember that not everyone who grieves will cry, as everyone expresses their feelings differently. Pain is a part of the normal grieving process—you cannot (and shouldn’t try to) take it away from your friend.

It’s normal to feel helpless.

Grief is unique; no two people will react the same way. The feelings and thoughts your friend has may feel scary and hard to acknowledge. Worry less about what you say and concentrate on the words your friend shares. Your friend may struggle to know why their loved one died. If they ask you why, simply say, “I don’t know—maybe we’ll never know.” Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers to help your loved one.

Be patient.

Grief is not restricted to a certain time-table. It will take time for your friend to begin moving on, but it will help if you are understanding of their feelings as they grieve. Allow them to talk, but don’t push them.

Find others for them to talk to.

Remember that you are not the only one willing to listen and talk to your friend. You are important, but if it starts to feel overwhelming, be sure to talk to someone else. Encourage your friend to talk to an adult, even if they need you to go with them. Support groups for people who have lost someone can be one of the best ways to heal. In a support group, people can connect with others who have experienced the same type of loss and share their stories. You can help by locating a support group for your friend.

Be mindful and sensitive.

Anniversaries and holidays may be especially hard for your friend. These times of the year emphasize the absence of someone who is no longer with them, and can bring up memories.

Use the name of the person who has died.

Using his or her name can be comforting and reminds the grieving survivors that you haven’t forgotten this important person.

How Not to Help

Sometimes, without meaning to, we can hurt those we care about the most by saying something inappropriate. Nowhere is this more common than following the death of a loved one. You may not know what to tell them, but simply saying, “I’m so very sorry for your loss” can be enough. However, clichés and other familiar comments are often more wounding than saying nothing at all. Clichés often diminish the loss by giving simple solutions to very hard realities—try to avoid these:

"You’re holding up so well."
"Time heals all wounds."
"You'll get over it in time."
"I know just how you feel."
"Snap out of it."
"Stop wallowing."
"Things happen for a reason."
"Think of what you have to be thankful for."
"You have to be strong for your family (or others)."

TIPS FOR COPING - STUDENTS

​Tips for Dealing with Loss

If you are reading this because you are trying to cope with a loved one’s death, let us first say that we are so very sorry for your loss. Here are some tips for learning how to deal with your grief.

Don’t be too proud to ask for help.

Now is the time to let others know that you need help. Chances are, many people are simply unsure of how to help you. Tell them what you need.

Don’t withdraw from the world.

Keep in touch with other people – friends, family, spiritual leaders. Use them for support, comfort, and healing. Find a support group in the area; there can be a lot of strength in knowing that others have experienced a loss as well.

Find at least one person who gives you the permission to grieve and lean on them.

Surround yourself with people who will listen when you need to talk and those who simply offer a shoulder if you’d rather be silent.

Tips for Dealing with Loss

Tips for Helping a Friend Deal with Loss

Grief is as unique as the person who experiences it.

Your grief will be different than anyone else’s, so don’t compare your grieving process to someone else’s. We all grieve differently.

It’s okay to grieve.

Grieving the loss of someone means that you cared about or even loved this person. You will struggle with the “why” of a death until you’ve gotten your answer, an answer that makes sense to you, or you no longer need to know why.

It’s also okay to heal.

Don’t let your healing process be overshadowed by guilt for “not grieving enough.” Allow yourself to be happy.

You may experience physical symptoms.

Insomnia, headaches, and exhaustion are sometimes brought about by your emotions. Talk to your doctor about these symptoms and see what can be alleviated.

Cry if you want to cry.

Don’t be afraid to let it out. And if you don’t or can’t cry? That’s okay too. Everyone grieves differently.

You might feel crazy as you run the gamut of feelings.

Let the anger out.

There can be anger surrounding a death and it has to go somewhere. Chop wood. Scream. Listen to music. Run. Dance.

Remember that you can postpone grief, but you can’t outrun it.

If you’re living with unresolved grief, it becomes harder and harder to cope with other every day stresses. Let your grief out. Although it may be tempting, don’t throw yourself into work or other projects as a means to avoid your grief. You must deal with your grief.

Prepare yourself for anniversary reactions.

Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and other significant dates will be very painful reminders for you and can amplify your sense of loss. On those special days, don’t force yourself to do or be anything. Allow yourself to do whatever it is you feel like doing.

Commemorate your loved one in a tangible way.

Plant a tree. Dedicate a bench. Plant a garden. Create a scrapbook of memories. Put together a shadow box for the wall. These are things that can help you to feel connected to your loved one.

Write it out.

Writing is one of the most effective forms of therapy. Keep a private journal and make writing in it a priority.

Don’t abuse alcohol or prescription drugs as a means to cope.

Alcohol and drugs are a temporary fix. In the end, they will only hurt you.

Don’t concentrate all your energy on comforting others.

Although it is important to be there for others that are reeling from the loss, it can also be a way of avoiding your own grief.

The death is not your fault.

You might feel that you could’ve done something more to prevent it, but that’s not the case. You cannot assume responsibility for the actions of another, period. Guilt is not helpful. Talk about your feelings of guilt with someone you love and trust.

Try setting up a picture of your lost loved one and talk to it.

It may help to articulate all of the things you’d wished you could say to the person.

Remember that there will be setbacks.

Some days, months, and years will be better and worse than others. That’s okay. Grief and grieving doesn’t follow a straight line. Take your grief one day, one second, one moment at a time.

Tips for Helping a Friend Deal with Loss

When a loved one loses someone from suicide, you want so badly to help, but it can often be hard to know what to do. Here are some tips for comforting a suicide survivor.

How to Help A Friend Heal

Make a special effort to go to the funeral home.

They need all the support they can get. If you cannot attend the funeral, make an effort to send flowers, a note, a text, an email…ANYTHING to let them know you’re thinking of them.

Listen to them.

Don’t be afraid to show emotion.

Cry openly if you were close to the person who died. Often, your tears will help your friend see that they are not alone in their grief.

Let them be free with their emotions, too.

It’s normal to feel helpless.

Be patient.

Grief is not restricted to a certain time-table. It will take time for your friend to begin moving on, but it will help if you are understanding of their feelings as they grieve. Allow them to talk, but don’t push them.

Find others for them to talk to.

Be mindful and sensitive.

Anniversaries and holidays may be especially hard for your friend. These times of the year emphasize the absence of someone who is no longer with them, and can bring up memories.

Use the name of the person who has died.

Using his or her name can be comforting and reminds the grieving survivors that you haven’t forgotten this important person.

How Not to Help

"You’re holding up so well."

"Time heals all wounds."

"You'll get over it in time."

"I know just how you feel."

"Snap out of it."

"Stop wallowing."

"Things happen for a reason."

"Think of what you have to be thankful for."

"You have to be strong for your family (or others)."

Tips for Dealing with Loss